


Sick N Tired

by fromunderthegaytree



Category: Rebel Without a Cause (1955)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Heartache, Multi, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 18:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11583879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromunderthegaytree/pseuds/fromunderthegaytree
Summary: "Sometimes I wanna cry until I can't cry no more.." Plato admitted, giggling after saying it-tiredly though, he was just so tired.Jim and Plato have their last moment together, it's nothing short of panic, heartache and existential dread.





	Sick N Tired

Plato remembered that he wore mismatched socks, navy and red. He supposed it didn't matter, given the fact that he would die. That's why he needed his gun so badly. He cradled close to him like a child as he hid in the planetarium. He knew that there were bad men outside, who wanted to hurt him.

He had accidentally shot one of the people who were after Jim. They had gotten his address book, he let Jim down. He didn't think he'd be able to apologize, they didn't like him. They left him, just like his parents. He was let down for what seemed the millionth time.

He sniffled and begun to cry, he couldn't help it. He wiped his eyes from the unleashing tears. He heard the door open, he stiffened up. It was dark and he was ready to shoot at the officer. By how he was snivelling and stifling sobs, he knew he ought to quiet down. He did so, before hearing a familiar voice.

It was a voice that evoked comfort in him, the feeling of butterflies in his stomach. But instead, the was distraught, angry and wanting solitude. "Plato, is that you?" Jim asked, stepping closer to his hiding spot. He felt like such a child, like he was playing hide and seek instead of hiding from the authorities.

He didn't answer, he clamped his mouth shut and stared on into the darkness. He was petrified, he felt like he couldn't move. Jim had to be persistent because he spoke again, "I know you're in here, you know I wouldn't hurt you, right?"

It was probably true.. In his mind, images flashed quickly of being awakened by three boys that wanted to hurt him, discovering that his only friends had left him alone. Scorn filled his sensitive heart, changing rapidly like the flash of lightning.

"Why did you leave me.. all alone?" His voice sounded so brittle to Jim. He could tell he had just cried. He felt truly sorry, guilty and helpless.

"I told you, we'd come back." He reminded him that he was a man of his word. And because of this, he had to be honest with Plato, even if it scared him. "There's police outside." He approached the panel and turned on the controls.

A faint whirring began and stars flickered on the planetarium's dome. It was beautiful at the most tragic moment. "They're going to hurt me." Plato replied, watching stars on the ceiling. It filled him with some temporary comfort, it disappeared as soon as it appeared. He was lost again.

Maybe he could live here, he didn't have to come out. But what choice did he have? He swallowed what little spit in his mouth. He wiped some sweat of his brow, but he was freezing. He closed his eyes, heaving a sigh.

"They won't hurt you, they just wanna' see if you're alright.." He reassured, approaching to where Plato was hiding. He paused then added, "that's all."

Plato wasn't listening. His words passed through his like a ghost. All he thought about was: The End Of The World. Maybe it was the end, maybe it didn't have to. Maybe if he stayed, then he'd be okay and the world wouldn't explode.

He thought about the words he had heard during the show. Simple, neutral words but they struck fear in him. "Remember what he said?" Plato asked, listening to Jim's feet on the carpet. His fingers trembled against the gun, he inhaled deeply-like he couldn't get enough air.

"Huh?" Jim quirked a brow up and stood in front of where Plato was. He was see him trembling but he wouldn't touch him. He wouldn't provoke such a scared person. Even when he held a gun, he looked like a little kid who was afraid of something so mundane. But that wasn't the case, there were cops outside and maybe he understood why he felt so paralyzed.

"You know.." Plato began, his voice wavered before he dropped his voice to a whisper, "that when the earth dies, when the world ends, the universe will just go on.." His eyes cast down to his brown shoes. It upset him, he felt like comparing it to what happened earlier.

He was earth, he exploded-left alone with Moose, Crunch and Goon. Jim and Judy were the universe, they continued to be without fear nor tragedy. Again, an ugly sort of hate spread in his heart like wildfire.

"You left me!" He shouted, the sound echoed of the walls, deafening the silence. He began to cry, loudly. Plato dropped his head onto his knees and begun to sob-like when he was kid and his parents picked him up when he had run away.

He wanted to do exactly that: run away. But he couldn't, he had nowhere to go and Jim was stuck to see the pathetic person he really was. "Plato.. please, don't cry.." Jim's voice was softer than any voice in the world. He almost stopped.

Jim stopped, cautious because Plato was still holding onto the weapon. "Plato, drop the weapon." He pleaded, but firmly.

"N-No, I need it, you'll take it." He shot back, alert enough to spot his ruse. He held the gun even closer to his chest.

Jim sighed, looking at the ceiling. He looked at Taurus and Cancer, the joke he had made about the bull had only happened hours ago but it felt like a lifetime. It occurred that he had only met Plato in the morning but now he was witnessing him breakdown.

"I won't, I just want to talk, you can have your gun back after." He promised, crossing his arms. Plato considered his proposition and nodded.

With hesitation, he handed the gun-staring at it like it was everything that mattered. Jim wished that he looked at him like that.

He set it aside, before jumping over to go sit next to Plato. He looked at him, shivering as he began to sniffle. "Sometimes I wanna cry until I can't cry no more.." Plato admitted, giggling after saying it-tiredly though, he was just so tired.

Jim was too. There were cops outside and he had to get him outside but at the moment, he wanted to lay back next to him. He reached into his jacket's inner pocket before pulling out a pack of cigarettes.

He thought he saw Plato eyeing the back but he was really looking at his jacket. He already knew the non-verbal cue and tugged his jacket off. He set it on Plato's trembling narrow shoulders.

Even in the midst of his crying, sniffling and panic attack, he offered him a weak smile. "We'll get through this, alright?" He popped the jacket's collar which made Plato smile once more.

He'd do anything to make him smile like that all the time. Just like back at the mansion. They were in their own universe. It was just Judy, Jim and Plato- nobody else.

"I'm not leaving you ever again." But they both knew that was a lie, no matter how much they wanted to believe it. Plato peered at him in the darkness and cast his eyes down, tensing up before he sighed. 

He looked up, lights momentarily shone against Jim's ocean eyes, wide with concern. He was going to leave, they were going to. He knew they would, he'd be all alone again. He grimaced at the thought before shoving at Jim, frustrated and wanting to be alone. "Leave me alone, go away!" He practically shrieked, breathing panicked breaths. 

Jim grabbed his arms, holding them with his strong hands. He looked at Plato's light brown face which was now a frightful pale white. "Why you gotta go be stubborn?" He asked, Plato scrutinized his tone to see if he was angry. He wasn't. 

He relaxed, his uptight muscles fell like dominos. Jim let go, trusting him not to try to push him away. "I just want to help, they want to see if you're alright." He repeated, trying desperately to knock some sense into the younger boy. 

"I don't think so, no one wants to help." He refused, shaking his head. If there was a motto that he lived by, it was: you're one against the world. Jim's brows knit together and sighed. 

He thought a bit before his mouth opened to speak, "i'll stay here with you, until you're ready to go..and I'll give you your gun back." He remembered that he ought to remove the bullets in case things went haywire. 

Plato blinked, staring over at the closed door. He'd have to leave, one way or another. He supposed having his hero with him wouldn't hurt. He nodded sheepishly before pulling the coat closer to his frame. 

"I think you're a strong guy." Jim complimented, reaching out for the top of his head. Plato visibly flinched like a caged animal. He ignored his wincing and ruffled his dark curly hair. His wide frightened eyes closed and his frown flipped into a smile. 

He was crying again, he couldn't help it. He felt an ache in his chest, growing like a void. He felt so happy and sad, confused with the contradicting emotions. His lip quivered and he sniffled, wiping the jacket's sleeve against his wet cheeks. 

"You're wrong.." He retorted, hugging his knees to his chest. 

"I am, why's that, Plato?" He wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer. Plato wish he hadn't, he would die from unrequited love-a broken heart. 

He scoffed, "I'm crying like a tap, that's not very manly, is it?" He expected his argument to finally make Jim realize he was nothing special but a clingy kid. 

Jim nodded, his lips fell into a gentle frown. "Being manly doesn't make you 'strong', you've come so far without friends, I think that's courageous." Plato smiled wide, an ear to ear grin that visualized he felt flattered. Jim meant it, every word of it.. even if Plato wouldn't believe him. 

They looked at the stars for awhile, the stars flew past them and time stood still. Jim knew there were impatient cops outside the observatory. He closed his eyes, the thought weighed on him like a brick.. 

"What's the deal with your socks?" Jim asked, glancing at the red and navy peeking from beneath Plato's pant legs. Plato smiled, showing slightly crooked teeth. 

He took off his expensive shoes and observed his feet. "I woke up late for school," he began, before smiling ever wider, "I grabbed whatever socks were in my dresser-didn't think anybody would notice.." He broke into laughter. Bubbles of genuine laughter fell from his lips. 

Jim grinned, considering that he noticed them was somewhat ironic. He chuckled before breaking to fits of giggles with Plato. Laughter filled the planetarium, unfitting for the tragic situation at hand. The thought sobered Jim up and he stopped laughing even as Plato continued. 

He had to tell him. "Plato." He nudged his shoulder to grab his attention. He ceased his laughter slightly and looked at Jim. 

"Yeah?"

Jim bit the inside of his cheek and pinched the bridge of his nose. "These men outside, they think you're gonna hurt you." Plato stopped smiling, suspiciously glowering at Jim. 

"No, they're gonna hurt me, I just have to protect myself." He argued, "they're not my friends." He looked away, angry at him. 

"Hey, hey.. I'm your friend, aren't I?" He reasoned, touching Plato's upper arm. He saw his brown eyes peer at him at the corner of his eyes. They softened, because he knew Jim was. 

"Yeah.." His eyes darted around with realization, oh boy, he was panicking. 

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, so you have to trust me on this." He begged, but he could only helplessly watch as Plato's greatest fears started to rise like a roller coaster before the drop. "Please, Plato.." He began, but the boy shook his head harshly-refusing to speak or look at him. 

He heard his voice caught in his throat, breathing shallow quick breaths. Jim was watching him get lost in his paranoia. Plato choked out a damaged 'Go'. His attempt to coax him into coming outside was proved unsuccessful. 

His eyes were glassy and his body hurt all over. Plato felt like his gut was being twisted into knots because Jim was lying. He would get hurt, Jim would push him into the crowd of bad men, it was inevitable. His heart rate picked up, he could feel his blood pumping thickly at his pulse points. 

He closed his eyes, trying to calm down the hurricane that was fear. It felt black and poisonous but he felt something. It tingled on his face. And by reflex, he opened his squeezed shut eyes. Jim was across from him, holding his cheeks-holding him still. 

"Plato, please, calm down." He ordered, firmly yet softer than the light of artificial stars up above them. He stopped, calming down like it was just so easy. He took a deep breath, breathing deep breaths, a technique his headshrinker had suggested when he still had one. 

He felt Jim's thumb rub against his barely visible cheekbone. Jim stared at him, coming down from his high peak of panic. He got to him, before it was too late. There was a fluttery feeling in his gut, anxious about going outside and risking their lives. 

He stared at Plato's face before he began leaning in. Kissing Judy was like Sunday morning, the feeling of lamb's wool, the taste of her lipstick had made his head spun like he was a planet. It was a happy and glad feeling that made him fuzzy inside. 

Kissing Plato was entirely different. He tasted like anxiety sweat-from his upper lip, it was like kissing the stars themselves, far away from the rest of the world, entirely alone and isolated from humanity. Jim felt like he had won a lottery ticket with such a chance to kiss a star. 

They pulled away from the kiss which had felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than a second. They were in the eye of the storm, the storm which was life, the people outside and fear. 

But they knew that the thundering in their hearts, the happy-go-lucky they were both in was only short. Like every storm, there was the eye of the storm but it wasn't over. They sat there, in shock before a knock at the door startled them both. It was Judy, afraid for them both. 

"Are you ready to go?" Jim asked, nudging his shoulder playfully and to cease the palpitations in his chest, he leaned over and kissed him again. It still felt the same. 

Plato nodded reluctantly, he didn't have much of a choice, did he? He got up and let Jim's arm hug around his upper torso. "You can do this." Jim said, even if he felt unsure of it. He handed Plato his emptied gun, he stared at it curiously. His wide brown eyes flooded with false security as he grabbed the gun. 

They walked outside, Judy stiffened up when the door opened. She sighed of relief, her nervousness showed. She was no longer crisp but like Jim and Plato: a mess. Her pink polo showed signs of sweating and her smile was forced as it trembled. They were all so terrified. 

Plato shyly waved and she reciprocated the action. They neared the front doors and Plato cowered back as the lights flooded his sight. He swallowed, unable to move. The lights shone hard against Plato's pale face as he peeked out the door. He backed into Jim, turning around frantically.

"It's too bright." He complained, breathing hard as if the lights were weapons of war: not floodlights. Sweat clung his dark hair to his forehead as he became more irrational. 

He stared at him and wanted to kiss him another time, just to show that he was still there. He wanted to show Plato that he would never let something happen to him. "I'll fix it." He answered which made the shorter boy nod in relief. 

He could tell if he didn't solve his problem, he'd do something reckless. He stepped out in front of the crowd, awaiting for an armed boy. He called out, "hey! turn out the lights!" His own voice sounded hoarse and foreign to him. They obeyed and the bright yellow which echoed against the building disappeared. Darkness swallowed them. 

He turned around, looking at Plato. Judy was speaking soothingly to him, his eyes were less wild. He waved Plato on, encouraging him to come out into the unforgiving world. "See? Come on.." Plato began to step out, his heartbeat beating. It sounded almost deafening in the thick tense silence. 

He halted, seeing one of the officers that he had shot at before. He didn't look happy, he scrutinized and saw a gun hidden underneath a thick flashlight. He looked at Jim, slightly annoyed when he had stopped another time. He dropped his voice to a whisper, "I shot at one of them." 

He understood why he would be scared. He glanced over at them then back to a trembling boy. "It's alright, you didn't hurt him." He practically cooed, forcing honeyed words to draw him out of the observatory. 

"Those are not my friends!" He cried out, shaking his head as he stood transfixed with paralyzing fear and hesitation. "Make them go away." He begged, looking at his hero, his universe. 

He stepped up to Plato, who was starting to cower back into the building. Judy grazed troubled looks at the crowd and bit her lip. "You want me to make them go away? You want me to fix it?" He asked which Plato answered with frantic nodding. 

"Okay." He was starting to doubt that he would ever come out. He would do anything to bring him out. He turned back to the line of officers and waved at them with both arms, "keep back!" 

He heard speaking before lights flooded back on. Plato had never felt so vulnerable and blinded. Jim used to be so afraid of the dark and relished the light as a child, the light felt like his most hated enemy. 

"D-Don't turn on the lights! Plato doesn't like.." He shouted out, seeing them step a little closer. He fished the bullets from his pocket and held them out, like a surrender. "I've got the bullets!" He screamed, wanting to ensure that they wouldn't shoot Plato even if he had a gun. 

He quickly turned his head to look at Plato but he broke free from Judy's hold. He charged out, making a beeline for the nearest hole in the line. He bolted as Jim pushed off of the ground to chase him. 

"Plato!" He screamed out, he didn't turn. He didn't want to look at Jim anymore. "Keep away from me! I don't believe you anymore!" He dashed near the cops. 

Jim felt his heart drop, down to the center of the earth. He did this, he hurt Plato. He didn't believe in him, he led him to his disbelief. It was his doing.. 

He heard a earth shattering noise, the noise of a gun firing. Plato felt a violent pain in his chest, all the wind flew out of him. He quickly glanced down as saw blood spread on his torso. He still believed Jim, he still believed everything he said, because he was his hero and he loved him. 

He knew Jim would get him out of the pickle he was in. He'd live because Jim said himself that he wouldn't do anything to hurt him. He said so. He couldn't breathe, the pain was unbearable as he slumped to the ground. The world spun and it went into murky blackness. 

He saw Plato's small body stand upright before it fell like a ragdoll to the ground. He fell to his knees as blood pooled around Plato. He was too young to die and.. he promised. He promised him that everything would be alright. 

He heard a scream before the sound of sobbing, he then realized it was from him. He crawled to his body, his heart ached so badly. He couldn't believe he was dead, he had to still be breathing. But his eyes were glassy, so lacking of life, of Plato.

"Plato?" He sniffled, his trembling hand flew to his pale face and held his cheek. But he wouldn't smile, like he did in the Planetarium. "Plato.. H-Hey Jerkpot.." He whispered, his voice brittle before his head on his chest and he sobbed. 

Because Plato fell, so did the stars. The stars fell but the world went on..Plato said something in their own little dark world in the observatory, what he said about crying and crying until he couldn't anymore. He knew the stars couldn't do it, Plato couldn't do it- He would do it.


End file.
